I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
