tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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