he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
