How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
