How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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