I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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