I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
