The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
