Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
