it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
