Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize