i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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