Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
