It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
