One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
