saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
