Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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