My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
