This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
