She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
