I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
