everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
