Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
