She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
