why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
