Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
