Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
