when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
