Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
