Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
