Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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