I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
