I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
