I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Randomize
