Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
