i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
