i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
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