Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
how drunk are you?
Several
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
