I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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