You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
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nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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