He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Vodka?
Forever.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
