You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Randomize
