i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
