I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
