this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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