i wish there were pregnant emoticons
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
