JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I smell like Dick and happiness
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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