OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize