ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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