Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
