so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
