was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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