were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
