He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
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