she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
