I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
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