My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize