Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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