Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
