I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
