Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
