We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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