I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
