I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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