that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
