I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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