plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
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