I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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