the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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