from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
