if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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