Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
