we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
