So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
