How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
