the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
we're so committed to being not committed
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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