I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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