She is in my trunk
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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