Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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