this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Blow job season was short but glorious.
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