i would punch a child for taco bell
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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