It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
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Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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