he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
