Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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