I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i will never coherently bang her
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
