yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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